Today seemed like the first day of the year where i had control, it felt good.

Today, for the first time in the whole year, I felt like I got some control over my life. And probably for the first time in this year,  I consciously started working out. Like I travelled some distance to get to the gym and started working out.

All credits to Zack who convinced me to sign up for the gym with him and shed off the few extra pounds that we both have been gaining over the last 8 months. I just remember all those months as a lot of fun, companionship, and as they say, loving despite…

For the unversed, let me take a quick detour and introduce you to the concept of ‘loving despite’. They say you like because and you love despite. If we are to cut open this simple but beautiful sentence, it simply stands to say that the people you like in your life, you like them because of the things that they do for you, or how good they make you feel about yourself.

And the people we love in our life, more often than not, we love them despite the things that they do to us or how ugly they make us feel about ourselves.

That, is how, we love despite.

To return from my detour, today is the first day in the whole year that I’m finally feeling some sense of control over my life. I feel sane. Life looks like something that is doable for me. And after all that has gone wrong throughout the year, which is a pretty lot much, life feels like it is finally getting on track.

It also goes to speak about how a simple action in the positive direction can set off a string of other actions in the positive direction. This is like a domino but for the better.

Let’s take the incidents that has been shaping my life until today for example. I was in a rut from which I could see no light. I was stuck in a job that was neither giving me money nor happiness. I couldn’t leave the job, because despite everything, the job gave me a place to wake up and go to every morning.

I didn’t like where I was staying in Hyderabad. Two of my roommates shifted out, not because our equation was bad (I feel a strong necessity to make it clear here so that you won’t judge my capacity to be a great roommate), but because life called them in different directions. After a point, it started feeling like I was left picking up the pieces.

And I was sad.

I no more had a girl I could call my own to run to with my problems in Hyderabad. I think Aishwarya had been that safe space for me. We both moved into Hyderabad towards the middle of 2024, just 10 years apart from each other and had started counting on each other.

And by December, just as I was cosying up to the Hyderabad winters, Aishwarya informed me that she was moving out. Man, it hurt me so bad. But there was little I could do. My safe space in Hyderabad was go, goa, gone.

Ok, I just kicked off my intermittent fasting today. And I’ve been five hours in and I’m feeling super dizzy by now.

Ergo, so long!

Hasta la vista,

Jasmin